I did not know what to say, when first I heard the news of a “Horrific” attack that had taken place against innocent, unsuspecting music-festival go-ers, innocent victims being fired upon. At first, a response was not necessary-merely a passing act of terror somewhere worlds away from me-somewhere rife with conflict, always one thing or another through the years. “Ahh they’re always fighting over there.” And then the second day and the third and the fourth and the first week and the second and the third of retaliatory response by Israel-The bombings began, and continued. A disproportionate response to one single act, now encompassed the entire population. This did not sit well with me.

I did not know what to say. What can I say? It was confusion, so much happening there, so many layers of conflict, so much history in the area, and so much complication. How could I possibly know what to say? I had never seen this behavior in my lifetime, though I knew of the Holocaust…was this the same? I did not know what to say to the realization that the Palestinians were not the only population of the world being pushed off their land, being slaughtered and oppressed by another nation. The Children of the Congo, the people of Sudan, and others too, and this was nothing new in the history of the world, but it was new to my awareness, and I did not know what to say in the face of my ignorance, or even who to say it to. No one at that point was mentioning anything about it, no one was sharing that they too, were in this verbal quandary and did not know what to say.

I did not know what to say, but I knew I needed to, must find a way to say something-to say out loud that I see what is happening here, to say-I will not turn away-I will call for a Ceasefire-I will share the voices and the stories of the people of Gaza who are telling the world what is happening to them.

I did not know what to say in the beginning-as it became more and more obvious every day that this was more than a simple response to an act of violence against it’s citizens. Day after day the entire population of Gaza has been pummeled and terrorized, murdered and starved. There is no desire for a peaceful resolution to this action. The goal is the annihilation of a people and it is happening before my eyes, in vivid color, live and unapologetically real. Yes, so many do not know what to say.

I did not know what to say, but I knew I had to try. I knew that this is one of many moments in the history of my lifetime-a defining moment-not the first-not the last-but a pivotal time for certain. Over 150 days now-150 days of torture and horror for the citizens of Gaza-150 days of collective sorrow and anger and despair-over 150 days of silence from some and over 150 days to witness the government of my country support and enable the genocide of Gaza. I did not know what to say to that.

I do not know what to say when some folks speak of Empire and oppression, and Colonizers. These are new words to my privileged vocabulary. But now that I have made peace with the paradox of my government, I do not know what more to say.